I Am Wondering… If You Are Like Me?
In 2011 I got my life coaching and nutritional coaching certification. I started with a focus on nutritional coaching. I made a decision to stop and put it on the shelf for a bit.
When I originally started life coaching there was something I discovered… which is what lead me to put it on hold. I’ve personally learned that one of the most important and necessary things for lasting change in health, relationships, career… living a full wholehearted life… is the relationship with your true self.
On the outside I looked the part… my husband was a chiropractor, I worked in our office, I was thin, we had money and two beautiful children. But something was missing. I felt unfulfilled, uncertain, and lost. What was missing was the connection to my true self! I didn’t know it at the time… I wouldn’t know it until what I call the “perfect storm” hit my life and I was forced to find my way out of the storm and ultimately back to myself.
The “perfect storm” was a culmination of many things: huge financial loss, a failing business, and loss of friendships, all at the same time. It felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Many call it the bathroom floor moment or rock bottom. It’s that place where you are given an invitation to make a change and move towards your true self. I accepted that invitation. It was hard work to pick myself up and find my way out of a dark place. My husband and my children were my light. They were my drive to get up every morning and be and do better. However, on the inside, I felt that I had lost my sense of purpose, and I felt stuck.
Ultimately, I saw how there was an underlying feeling of “I am not enough.” I was driven by perfectionism, which lead me in an ongoing circle of never feeling enough or worthy. “Work harder, Rene… do more, Rene, then you will be enough,” I told myself. I kept myself right under the radar because I didn’t want people to see that. I wasn’t really the woman they thought I was. . I was flawed. I failed miserably and I let that define me.
Looking back on “the perfect storm,” I realized it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Those events forced me to look inward and examine my story. In doing the work, I realized that before all these layers of protection and armor were put on me to be a certain way, act a certain way and think a certain way, there was a little girl who saw and felt the wonders of the world. She trusted herself. She loved herself. Then slowly, layer upon layer piled up until when she looked in the mirror she didn’t see that same powerful, strong, courageous little girl anymore. Life beat her up, she didn’t feel enough; she didn’t think she had the answers for her life… someone else must know better. There was a disconnect from my head to my heart. I knew things in my head but didn’t feel it in my heart.
I don’t know if you’ve experienced similar feelings.
Here are some ways it shows up:
- Feeling the need to people please
- Being a perfectionist
- Feeling low energy
- Lack of motivation or direction
- Comparing your life to others’
- Feeling stuck
- Lack of feeling emotions
If any of these rings true for you it could be tied back to not knowing your true self. My invitation to you…
You know that voice in your head? The “I’m not ______ (fill in the blank) enough voice. Smart, pretty, thin, fit, organized, rich, outspoken… the list goes on and on. We all have “the” voice and the key is learning how to decipher “that” voice versus what the voice of your true, loving self is.
The words “How Long Will You Wait To Honor Who You Are” in Cross Roads Between Should and Must by Elle Luna hit me like a ton of bricks. I closed the book on those pages and that was in November of 2015. I looked at the book on my nightstand but I couldn’t even go there.