The Cycle Many Woman Live In…
I’ve talked about body image, shame and the web we live in as women. The web of: you have to do it all, do it perfectly, don’t let them see you sweat and look smokin hot while you are doing it. That web leaves you feeling not enough because it’s unattainable. The “I’m not ______ (fill in the blank) enough” voice. Smart, pretty, thin, fit, organized, rich, outspoken etc.
What’s the definition of shame? Brene Brown says: shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of connection and belonging.
Let’s shine the light on what’s happening in this cycle.
I was talking with a woman that recently moved and she said her first priority was to get her membership at a gym because last night she ate a half a cake so she needed to make sure she got in to workout. Hearing her say that made me think about another conversation I had with a woman and she would eat a bagel or pizza and say I have to make sure I go out running. This cycle is the one so many woman put themselves on and that never leads to happiness. Its the cycle of -I ate this I have to go workout so that I can burn all this off. I feel like that thought process keeps us in the web of shame.
What’s the feeing you have when you are eating the cake or pizza? Like you did something wrong. You have to do something to bail yourself out? Let’s peel away that layer of functioning, I ate ______ and that is going to make me fat. You eat it and feel shame because the web of our society of how woman are suppose to be…. do it all, do it perfectly and look smokin hot.
How can this web of shame play out in our life?
- We search outside of ourselves to feel accepted and approved
- Trying to “fit in” and “be cool”
- Trying to be perfect in all ways
- Doing Doing Doing
Let’s go back to that cycle and look at it from a different perspective what do you want to feel? If you want a piece of cake, a bagel or slice of pizza… eat it and fully enjoy it with no shame. Yes of course let’s work out not because I ate ______. Work out because its good for you, it makes your body healthy and strong. You work out because it makes you feel fit, strong, energized, healthy etc. There is a different feeling of I’m working out because this makes me feel strong and energized compared I’m working out because I ate this cake.
My question to you… what’s happening underneath the eating the cake, bagel, pizza, wine, chocolate, chips etc?
Your world is created from the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. We have to shift out of shame talk.
What I wanted to say when I was talking to the woman was… what were you thinking when you were eating the cake? How did you feel in your body? We live in a society of all or none. We don’t have to live that way. We don’t have to deprive ourself.
I LOVE chips and salsa. When I eat chips and salsa I fully enjoy every bite. I had a wonderful woman make me salsa and you can bet that week I at more chips and salsa than I normally did. I gave myself permission. I didn’t go into the box the next day thinking I have to work off those chips. I have done the work on myself. I exercise because when I become a grandparent I want to be active, healthy and strong with my grandkids. I made a decision years ago that exercise would be a part of my life now. That decision and the feeling of what I want is in the forefront.
This is a huge topic for woman. I hear it in so many conversations. It’s time to get off that shame cycle with eating and exercising. Bring some awareness to your thoughts, move towards how do you want to feel.
I love to talk about what’s underneath, the stuff that really matters. If you relate to this blog, reach out to me. I’d love to help you get off the shame cycle.
When you finish reading this post and go about your day, I want you to remember this… When you walk into a room, know that YOU are special, know you mean something to this world, your feelings matter, your story matters and I believe in YOU!